2024

52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks

Week 19 

Prompt - Taking Care of Business

It was exhausting. It was emotional.
Last week Bill, myself, my daughter, Jill assisted Bill's sister, Norma move Clara into a level 2 nursing home. Clara lived at Luther Tower in Saskatoon. It is an independent senior high rise residence. Her apartment was a one bedroom with a full kitchen where she could make her own meals. The top floor was a dining room where meals could be had for a fee. The dining room was on the 22nd floor of this tower. In my opinion it had the most spectacular views of Saskatoon. She dined with her friends from
Luther Tower. It was nice to be served and not have to worry about the cooking or the dishes. She enjoyed many of her suppers here. Bill and I and other family members also had the privilege of dining with her on those occasions we were visiting.
Clara and Tony had moved to Saskatoon from Killaly, Saskatchewan after their honeymoon in October of 1952. Originally they lived in a basement suite. Within a few years they moved to a home on Hanover Street in Saskatoon. In the fall of 1964 the family moved into their brand new home on Park
Avenue. They raised their family in this house. Soon her children were married and the grandchildren came to be spoiled by their grandparents. Many, many happy memories were made here.
Unfortunately and sadly, Tony died of cancer in the fall of 1992 just a few months short of their 40th Anniversary. Clara was determined to continue living in this home as a widow. It was a home of more happy memories than sad. Clara did an exceptional job of staying in her home. We had put in place some help such as lawn maintenance and snow shovelling. However most times Clara had cleared the snow from her sidewalks and long driveway before the team showed up. She tended to her beautiful garden of flowers and vegetables.
One December she took a fall in her home and broke her leg. Her only mobility was in a wheelchair. This kept her inside the house and only on the main floor until spring with the occasional outing for doctor appointments. Then she would depend on some elderly church congregants (I'm not kidding) to come to the house to carry her down her front entrance steps. Both entrances were accessed by a set of stairs which she could not use. Her laundry was downstairs and again some church friends came and
did her laundry. It was without a doubt a very difficult time being a single senior without family in town. With some gentle nudging Clara decided it was maybe a good time to move to an apartment with easy access by elevators. She had managed her home for approximately 12 years.
Clara had a momentous task of downsizing before she could move. Tony use to say of Clara that she kept everything including the box from their first wedding gift they ever received. Norma spent many weekends in Saskatoon helping her mother downsize, donate, recycle and trash her excess of a lifetime of living. They had several garage sales. Bill and I were there for one of them. Clara's church friends were there during the sale. They seemed to have a good time chatting and remembering their lives.
They were with her to support her in this momentous decision she had made. I'm sure it was difficult but she embraced it as a better move.
She moved into an apartment. At first she was in a 2 bedroom ground floor apartment. It did not feel safe for her so when an upper level 3 bedroom became available she moved into it. This was a great place for her. She had the extra room to set up as her sewing room. It had a lovely dining room where we enjoyed her lovely home cooked meals. Her balcony was filled with many flourishing flower pots.
She was still able to drive. She had her church friends to visit. She was a very active member of the church. It was her social life.
She was very physically active. She had her treadmill set up in a room which she used every day putting on 2 kilometres each day. She was on very few if any prescription medications. However she
had quickly developed macular degeneration. Sadly her eyesight was going. Again we had to gently suggest that she give up her driver's license. She really didn't want to become dependant on anyone.
She gave up her license and begun to look at Luther Tower for a place to live. After 6 years in the 3 bedroom apartment an one bedroom apartment became available and on September 1, 2011 she moved into Luther Tower. Again she needed to downsize. Once again Norma helped her go through her apartment and decide exactly what she needed. Her sewing machine and a bedroom full of fabric to sew was given away. She could no longer sew because of her eyesight. This was incredibly sad for her
as it was truly one of her great loves in her life. Her new place at Luther Tower was obviously smaller, but somehow she managed to take a lot of her things to her new apartment. She had previously known many of the residents and through morning coffee chats and the activities such as singing, church
services, movie nights, birthday celebrations, cards etc, she made more friends. There was much too keep her occupied and she participated to the fullest. In summertime she enjoyed walking outside around the block. And in winter she would go up to the dining room first thing in the morning and do laps. During Covid when they were isolated in their rooms for several months she told us that she would do her exercising by walking back and forth between her chair and the door. 50 times in the morning and another 50 later in the day.
Over the past 13 years or so her eyesight has almost gone. However she is so stubborn what little sight she has she uses to read her bible or novels. It is hard to believe she can read at all. She played cards at least 3 nights each week and won often. During this time her hearing started to decline and she has
relied on a hearing aid to hear anything at all.
We had noticed in the past several years that she was becoming more frail. She fell a few times and once fracturing several ribs. Her balance was not quite as good as it once was. And after much
prompting she finally used her walker all the time. Much to our relief. She still had the odd fall.
She moved more and more slowly as time went by. She seemed quite short of breath on occasion and needed some medications for angina. Stubbornly she carried on. Again we put in place some things to help her live in her place.
Alas it became painfully obvious that she might need more care than she was getting in her independent living arrangement. After all she had just turned 96 at her last birthday in March.
Norma's email to us dated April 2, 2024:
“Updates on care:
We had the meeting with the tower services coordinator and the social worker on Friday morning. They did an awesome job of chatting with mom on how she has been managing and
bringing her around to the idea of intermediate care. Her preference is to get into the building across the street if needed, so she agreed to put her name on the wait list now.
If there was a medical episode or fall she would not have a choice - would have to move to wherever there is a room available, and that could be anywhere.
They did tell her that when something comes open she will have a bit of time to think about whether to accept without losing her place on the wait list. I think that is where we will need to come in and encourage her to accept. Frankly if they have to do an ability
assessment even now she would most likely not qualify to stay at the tower, so the time has come.
She is familiar with that building as that is where Winnie was for some time and she visited regularly. I will arrange for a tour myself for the next time I’m out in Saskatoon probably mid
April, assuming no openings come up in the mean time.”
Winnie was her life long friend from Killaly. At this time Clara was outliving most if not all good friends. The down side of longevity.
Then on April 15 Norma sent this email;
FYI - I just had a call from the social worker at the tower that they have an opening across the street. We have been given first dibs, and they called me before talking with mom. I’ve asked them to let mom know, and that she and I can talk about it and decide next
week when I’m in Saskatoon. I’m hoping that she will be in favor of accepting the move, as there is no telling when the next room would come available. If she brings it up in your phone conversations please try to convince her that this is the right time to move, rather than in an emergency should something happen, where there would be no choice on location So some thoughts on logistics: I can probably drive back out to Saskatoon at the beginning of May to coordinate moving her over. Would then do at least an initial sort and pack to bring some things back here for storage. I think I would aim to go back out later in May to
get rid of furniture, etc, to release the suite by the end of the month. I’m pretty sure that they will be planning on renovations to her suite before it is re-let, so no huge hurry.”
Clara did not want to take this opening. She wanted to stay at the tower until fall. Norma had to go back to Saskatoon to discuss it with Clara. The whole point was to “convince” her that she should go.
Norma emailed us on April 24 to say this:
“So decision has been made to accept the opening across the street. It took some convincing, but I emphasized that all of us would worry at lot less knowing she had more help and
assistance. Also stressed the need to move while she still has a bit of vision so it’s easier to get used to new surroundings. She’s not really happy about it, but I think resigned to the necessity.
So, I’ve done the paperwork to give notice on her current unit for May 31. We have a meeting booked across the street tomorrow afternoon to sign paperwork there and get all the move in information.
Plan now is for me to drive back to Saskatoon May 5, spend a couple of days getting her clothes and things to move organized, and actually move her over about May 8 or 9. I’ll start on more cleanup for a day or two before heading home.”
As Norma said, her mother was not happy about moving. Her stubbornness did not work out this time.
We joined Norma for about 4 or 5 days to help with the move. It was so sad knowing she did not want to leave the tower. She looked defeated. As she told Bill her world keeps getting smaller with each move. Never truer words were spoken. Her new place was just a bedroom with a bed and dresser. She could bring over her clothes and toiletries plus a few pictures, her chair and television. That is where we started. We went through her clothes with her. We had to explain each piece as she could barely see
them. She would feel them. We had to get her to give up a lot of her clothes. She was overwhelmed, sad and had great difficulty deciding. Her silence was heartbreaking. It took a few days to get through it. Then we went on to picking out a few pictures for her new place. That was about all the stuff she could take.
The remaining things, which was everything was up to us to go through. It was either keep and pack it to take home, donate to Goodwill, or put out in the garbage. We had hoped to do this when she was not with us, but it didn't work out this way. Norma had a pretty good handle on those precious things that family members wanted. But then there was “everything else”. Her pantry and fridge had to be disposed of although she was not privy to that. She hadn't cooked in such a long time that things were post dated, stale or just plain questionable. Many of her knick knacks had a story that she shared with us. Her memory is sharp to remember all the stories. Those were very special moments. But mostly she just sat silently in her chair.
Soon as we had sorted through the special things we started on cupboards, drawers, closets etc. She has so much 'stuff'. Every drawer we opened was packed full to the brim. She had letters, documents, among her clothing, shoes and purses. It had to be sorted carefully. It was exhausting for Clara and for us. We filled more than 5 banker boxes with her photo albums and that was not all of them. Jill has them as she wants to go through them and then I will find those photos that will be good for genealogy
and scan them. But I also took 3 or more grocery bags of documents and important things to go through.
By Thursday afternoon we were able to take Clara across the street to her new home. She was sad, anxious and to be honest scared. She was so short of breath by the time she got there it was alarming.
There only about 16 residents in this place and the aide was trying to introduce her to everyone. I had to tell her she couldn't see and hear very well. It was all overwhelming Clara. It was supper time so they got her settled for that and then after supper, Norma took her to her room to help her find where everything was. She was tired and went to bed shortly after that.
We did not get through half of the things in her old place. So much stuff. Don't forget that her furniture had to go too. Norma is going back again before the end of the month to finish clearing it out. Also Norma has been working overtime to get Clara's financial things in place. She has helped close down  the tower apartment and set up the new home. She has set up her prescription blister packs and so so much more business things. I would have to say that Norma was / is taking care of business. It
has been very taxing. When she is back in Saskatoon next week she has to take her mom to a dental and medical appointment. And she is getting more difficult to move about.
By the time, Bill, Jill and I were going home we were overwhelmed and exhausted. Really more mentally than physically. I can't imagine sitting there and watching your stuff being categorized and sent away. The things she surrounded herself for all her life. It was now not needed and not useful. It made me think about what life is all about if this is how it ends up. Jill and I think we should start giving our precious things away now while we are in control. Not a bad idea.
Clara has / had so much stuff and we have so much more.
All I keep saying is, for the love of God get rid of your stuff now.

Wendy

Helping Clara Pick Clothes for Move

 

One Last Lunch at Luther Tower Dining Room

Bill With His Mother Helping Her out of Her Apartment One Last Time